Dad

Since my dad passed away, I have felt the need to blog about all that has happened but I have not been able to organize or narrow down my thoughts into what might make a clear and concise blog post. I have decided that I will probably never get to that place so I am just going to throw my random thoughts out there. So here it goes!!!

First of all, I have to say that cancer sucks! Now that is not a word (sucks) that I really want Anna to use for a very long time (maybe when she is 40 it would be OK.) :-) However, I am tempted to teach her that word right now to describe cancer. It is just so difficult to watch what it does to people. My dad had always been a big, strong and independent guy so to watch him get weaker and weaker to the point where he could do very little without assistance was very difficult. That being said, I am very thankful that my dad went relatively quickly. I know many people struggle and suffer for quite a long time.

I learned a lot about the depth of my dad's faith. I knew he loved God and was committed to following Jesus, but he was kind of quiet when it came to speaking in words about his faith (his actions were another story.) However, when he decided that he was going to leave the hospital under hospice care, he shared with my mom and aunt that he was not at all scared of dying because he was confident he would be spending eternity with Jesus. He did indicate that he was sad for my mom, my sister and I, but he was most sad for his friends who did not know God. On a humorous note, my mom told him that he had better be there to meet him when she got to heaven and my dad replied, "Just don't come when I am playing golf." :-)

I have a wonderful final memory of my dad. On the day that he passed away, Mark and I had to leave in the morning to come to South Bend to meet his dad and fiance who were coming into town for a visit. As we were leaving the hospice center, I told my dad that we were leaving and said I love you. He had not really been able to speak much or been very coherent for a while, but he was able to tell me that he loved me. He passed away about 10 hours later.

Hospice is an amazing organization. I do not have words to describe how wonderful they are. I hope that anyone who reads this never has to deal with them. However, if you do, know that you are dealing with a first class organization.

A lot of people have asked me how I am doing with all of this and my answer is "OK" and I really think I am. I am glad that my dad is not suffering and I am confident that where he is now is so much better than the best thing we can imagine on Earth (including Disney World.) :-) I am most sad for Anna because she will not get a chance to know him. This is probably the thing that has been the hardest for me in dealing with the losses of Mark's mom, Mark's brother and now my dad. However, I know that they are all a part of her because they have shaped who Mark and I are. Because of this, Anna will know all of them, just not in the traditional sense.

As a side note, the picture at the top of the page is one of my favorites of my dad and was taken just this spring and published in the local paper. Just thought I'd share it along with my random thoughts. :-)